Why failing to negotiate salary costs women millions

Women are significantly less likely than men to negotiate their starting salaries—a hesitation that can cost up to US$1 million over the course of a career. Compensation expert Souhila Keffi explores why this gap persists, and why negotiating your salary isn’t just smart but a quiet act of leadership

Think back to your first job offer: did you negotiate your salary? Or, like many women, did you feel a quiet pressure to be “grateful” someone hired you?

If you didn’t ask for more, you’re not alone. Men are more likely to negotiate their salaries than women.

But that early silence doesn’t just sting in the moment—it accumulates. Research by Professor Linda Babcock from Carnegie Mellon University shows that while 57 per cent of men negotiate their starting salaries, only 7 per cent of women do. That initial difference, multiplied over promotions, bonuses and raises, can quietly compound into seven figures of lost income.

Why women don’t negotiate

Every time you accept a salary without negotiating, the gap quietly widens. But what frustrates me most isn’t just the number—it’s that so few women stop to evaluate their actual negotiation power. We’ve internalised the idea that asking is risky, even inappropriate. But negotiating isn’t a confrontation. It’s one of the most underused demonstrations of leadership we have.

Negotiating isn’t a confrontation. It’s one of the most underused demonstrations of leadership we have.

- Souhila Keffi -

There are many internal barriers to negotiation—and women experience them more intensely. I’m not saying men don’t feel fear or doubt, but women are conditioned to value harmony over clarity, gratitude over assertiveness. I’ve seen it from both sides of the table, whether in my role as compensation lead for ASEAN at Amazon Web Services (AWS) or in my experiences in the financial industry: women who didn’t ask, not because they weren’t capable—but because they thought they couldn’t.

This taught me something no leadership book ever did: when we don’t negotiate, we’re often treated accordingly. Silence is read as agreement—and agreement is rarely challenged.

The bias that holds women back

Popular media doesn’t help. We’ve been fed a visual script of negotiation as an aggressive, high-stakes battle—tense boardrooms, hostile standoffs, people bluffing and cornering. No wonder women associate it with confrontation.

Studies also show that women are significantly more likely than men to face backlash when they negotiate—often labeled as pushy, difficult or “not a team player”. According to Deborah Kolb and Jessica Porter in their book Negotiating at Work, this is a key reason why women may hesitate to negotiate in the first place.

One particularly striking finding, cited by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in their book Women Don’t Ask, is that women often describe negotiating as being as stressful as going to the dentist—a vivid reflection of the emotional toll many associate with these conversations.

It’s not a battle, but a collaboration

Negotiation isn’t a battle—it’s interior design. You’re not just picking a number; you’re shaping the environment you want to thrive in. It’s about mutual clarity, shared understanding and building something that works—for both sides.

Start with your mindset

Before you even touch numbers or strategy, start with mindset. Are you holding back because you’re afraid to ask for too much? Because you don’t want to appear difficult? These aren’t just passing thoughts—they’re real blockers. And no amount of salary data will help if you haven’t confronted them.

Don’t rely blindly on public data

One client came to me unsure how to price her services—she couldn’t even say the number out loud. But after we unpacked the fear, built the strategy and rehearsed the words, she not only owned the number—she delivered it with calm authority. She didn’t just land better clients—she anchored herself.

And if you’ve never done it before, where do you even start?

Salary transparency has improved, but context is still everything. Sites like Glassdoor can offer clues, but quoting them flatly can do more harm than good. Compensation is shaped by internal pay bands, role complexity and business strategy—things not always visible from the outside. Instead of memorising numbers, get curious. Ask smart questions. Understand the full picture before naming your worth.

Time to stop leaving money on the table

People enter the workforce with no tools, no training and a whole lot of hesitation. This begs the question: why isn’t salary negotiation taught alongside leadership development, personal branding or strategic communication? It’s an omission that speaks volumes—and it’s costing women dearly.

The cost of staying silent isn’t just money. It’s confidence. It’s self-respect. It’s the compounding effect on every woman who comes after you.

Negotiating your salary is more than a career milestone—it’s a ripple effect.

When you ask for more, you don’t just change your trajectory. You make it easier for your daughters, your peers and the next generation to ask too.

The question isn’t ‘Can women negotiate?’ It’s ‘Will we keep staying small—or will we finally give ourselves permission?’

Souhila Keffi is a compensation strategist and certified coach with 18 years of global HR experience spanning Paris, Hong Kong and Singapore advising major players in finance, consulting and Big Tech on how to design fair, high-impact pay strategies. Through her boutique practice, The Pay Edge, she helps women professionals and business owners navigate high-stakes pay conversations with clarity and confidence. Keffi also works with universities to teach salary negotiation early.

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