Ahead of the UK’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week from February 24 to March 2, Olympic rugby player and activist Heather Fisher opens up about her struggles with eating disorders and how they continue to impact her life in her 40s
Living in a world where body image and women’s appearances are constantly scrutinised, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to conform to societal standards. That’s something I have experienced throughout my life—as a girl, a woman, an athlete and as a public figure.
My battle with anorexia nervosa began during a chaotic time in my life. My parents’ divorce left me feeling powerless and isolated. I dealt with depression, was bullied at school for being more muscular and I wanted to alleviate my mum’s financial burden by eating less. Like many teenagers, I sought control over the only thing I could impact: my body. I began to restrict my food intake, purge and exercise excessively—to the point where I looked like a “bag of bones”, my mum said, and I was forced to see specialists to start my recovery process.
As part of it, I was required to see a nutritionist. One day, he asked me, “What do you want to be when you’re older?” I replied that I wanted to be an athlete. He told me, “You won’t be an athlete unless you eat”. As simple as it may sound, this statement changed my life. Finding a purpose greater than myself—my love for sport—helped guide me towards recovery.
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“I have felt lonely on this journey for far too long, and as I carry my struggles, I aspire to be a source of change for anyone who can relate to my experiences—or the diversity I represent.”
However, this greater purpose, to play rugby professionally, also complicated my recovery journey. I started playing professionally while still suffering from eating disorders. Rather than providing the support I needed, the institution I played for exacerbated my anorexia. Whether they want to admit it or not, twenty years ago, England’s coaches selected the women’s team based not only on our skills, but also on how we looked in our country’s jersey.
The constant fear of not being lean enough, or being too bloated, tormented me. I represented my country at the Olympics, the Rugby Sevens, the Women’s Rugby World Cup, and many other international competitions. Yet during that time, I often relied on caffeine to keep up my energy levels and skipped meals throughout the day. No one spoke up to intervene.
In that system, I was just a number—replaceable and not wanting to be seen as a problem. I dealt with numerous health issues, including asthma, alopecia, eczema and various allergies, which made me hesitant to share my struggles. To be blunt, I feared being labelled as “mentally ill”, removed from my team and losing my dream of playing rugby.
